Trying to Take the High Road

Most people have morals, values, ethics, and ideals that guide them through life. This core along with environment help form the person. We offen agree or disagree person to person on what specifically falls under these banners.

It easy to get on a soap box when things are great, and easy. It harder to fight what is perceived as correct, or popular. To stand for what you believe and hold dear while others question and challenge you is one of the real tests of life.

But what happens when there is an internal debate on two principals you hold? It creates much confusion. This is the state I do find myself in at moment. How do I find a balance between protecting my children, and nurturing as well as maintaining some form of contact with their mother, my ex -wife.

Now, I'm not here to bash Christy, my ex-wife. I don't hate her, and on some level will always care about her. She is the mother of my children. We pray always that Christy is safe and doing well.

That said, the divorce is still a very sore subject for me in many ways. I'm continuing to work through the hurt and betrayal I feel about the whole process.

What complicates this even more is that up until about a month ago, when Christy showed up at her mother's home in Utah, there had been a period of 10 months of no contact with us or her own family.

On the other side of this, as person who was adopted as a child, I value the contact and the clearly defined relationship I hold with my birth mother. It great to know she is alive, and what she up too. I would want my children to have some form of contact and relationship with their mother as well.

My parents didn't fight me on reconnecting with my birth parents. They let me find and spend sometime with them. On my own, I found about them and what they are like. I'm sure on some level was a bit hurtful for my parents. I think, they also knew that it was something I needed to do, and experience myself. I can tell you I grew from the experience.

As much as I can, I really would like to follow the model of my parents. That said, the safety and well being of the children needs to be the first priority.

What is being discussed at the moment is letting Christy call twice a week. Also that she could send letters, cards, and packages as well. I also get the feeling she like some visitation time of some sort if I was to make a trip to Utah.

Also as part of these talks some kind of co-parenting agreement would exist were Christy could talk to children on an issue or problem. Also work with me to find answers and resolve the issue or problem. Christy want to spread her wisdom and help teach the children.

I have yet to talk with Christy directly, instead communicating through her mother. This a caused a bit of a information bottleneck. It has also let to the feeling that this reconnection process is dragging on.

Know matter what the final deal says or even if we can reach one; This process needs to be slow and carefully managed. No one involved wants the children to suffer anymore. The goals and expectations of all need to be clearly stated and understood.

This is not without some major risks for me. Right now, under Nevada law, the children have been abandoned. This means if I wanted to I could take action through the courts. This not a course of action I'm considering at this time.

Contact also opens me up for possible custody challenges, and other legal battles in the future. That could get expensive as it would involve both the States of Nevada, and Utah.

Reasonable or not these are fears of mine.

When pondering all of this I go back and forth, just like in the entry itself.

I would love to hear you, my family, friends, and readers.

I'm not close to perfect, but I do more times then not try to take the high road!!